letters from my Dad to my mother, 1948

"I am such a great, cumbersome boor to be "dove-driven!" [Holy Spirit] Oh, how delicate are the tuggings of my Beloved, and how calloused my responses.  Above all else I will that He might find in me the travail of his soul and be satisfied.  But this is a hard thing when I speak to you, for somehow, the pleasing Him and the getting you are in conflict.  I don't pretend to explain it; I can only describe what I feel, and that not very adequately.

Since you left it has been as if a film has been over my soul.  My genuine fervor in prayer was gone for two days....too much rubble so that I couldn't get to the building the wall. See Neh. 4:10 for this. Notice, it was not the outward opposers that hindered the work so much as the inward clutter.  Not "destruction" from outside forced so much as "decay" within......Are we willing to build with a trowel in one hand while our other hand grasps the sword?  The building (God's work) must go on, and if there is to be battle as we build, very well, let us strengthen the "lower places" v. 13.  And I say to you the words of Nehemiah to the nobles.  "The work is great...we are separated...God shall fight for us."

But how shall I praise the Lord for removing the film this very morning?  Confession is good for the soul; it was imperative for mine this morning.  I cast it all upon him and John's truth about "cleansing from all sin" was very precious.  Oh, how He sweetly "preached peace" to one that was far off Eph. 2:13, 17.  And Heb. 10:16-22 lived afresh.  What a power is in that word!  Nearness was the theme of my song and the thots seem well expressed in 136, Little Flock [Plymouth Brethren hymnal].