Hi friends,
Some of you are older moms who
have grown children, and I'm only writing this for you to do
with it what you want- send to younger moms you know, but also to tell
me if I'm way off track!
You younger moms just need
to tell me if I am encouraging or helping, and if NOT, please let me
know what it is that you didn't "like" so that you won't be bothered by
this occasional email!
I am sorry it has been
such a long time since I last wrote! Moving and finishing the book
(which I thought was done, but my editor has given me a couple more
small assignments) took all of my attention from April through now. .
I hear moms say
"she doesn't like it," or "he won't do it" and then they may roll their eyes
or shrug their shoulders as if there's absolutely nothing to be done
about it. Indulge me in my being as earnest and serious as I can when I
say, "Something CAN be done!"
Here's what I suggest:
For
an example, when you are offering food to a baby who is beginning to
eat table food, and they try one bite and then spit it out, don't say a
word, but simply put the idea of trying that food to wait till 2 months
later. Children's tastes change with every month almost, so any food you
really want them to learn to like, keep trying it on them until they
are at the age where you can say, you will eat 2 bites of it even if you
don't like it because I know it will help your body to be healthy!" I
would NOT say, "Oh you don't like that, do you!?" Just smile cheerfully
and don't say anything! Give the next food option and keep trying it
at least 2x in one meal. As long as a baby or toddler continues to hear
her mother or dad or caregiver say "Oh you don't like that!" it will
become ingrained in that child's head that Yes, she certainly doesn't,
and it if appears again, she/he won't like it! Beware of what you say to
your child or even to another person with you because they pick up on
everything and especially when you talk about them in front of them, it
lodges in their little brains that what their mother says about them is
Truth! What comes out of your mouth to your children should be wise and
truthful, but also sparing, and the more words you use, the more
tendency to say too much (which may be just your frustration) which will
become the truth to them, and depending on their age, they will be
saying the same things to others about themselves!
So,
you can take this example and apply it to anything you have to deal
with in your children. "A wise woman builds her house but a foolish
woman tears it down." The teaching of kindness is on your tongues, but
the teaching of the world (whatever the child wants he/she gets) has to
be carefully watched for in your own words. There are a lot of
parenting tips on the internet that are not Biblical, so be careful what
you are reading or listening to. I was often "scolded gently" by my
husband if I talked about my children when they were within earshot,
because they do pick up on anything, and if you are disappointed or
frustrated with them, they will begin to be insecure and frustrated with
themselves. Even when we are holding a baby that doesn't talk yet, we
should not talk about them in front of them- they will sense your focus
on them and it will encourage more self-centered-ness, and more
self-consciousness. It may encourage worry and fearfulness too.
What
CAN be done? Train them with your loving voice from the time they are
tiny, so that they hear your voice as their authority, and when you say
good, kind, loving things, and expect obedience, they will want to
follow what you say....of course there are some children who are more
wilful and recalcitrant than others, and I have 4 out of 8! But I had
to learn that persistence in training with consequences to disobedience
or disrespect will pay off, and you will be grateful later on that they
learned your voice meant exactly what you said! ONLY by depending on the
Lord for wisdom, patience, and self-discipline, can anyone train their
children in righteousness. So, my last bit to say is, Walt and I
didn't do it perfectly or consistently, but we both agreed that respect
and obedience were the two necessary areas we had to constantly be on
top of. God's grace covered and still covers all our sins and
mistakes....it REALLY DOES!!
May
God give you
the grace, persistence, and faith to raise up your children to glorify
HIM, not themselves, which is the way of the world. Only the Holy Spirit
can help you be godly in your reactions to them and in training your
children....I hope to only give hints on how the Lord helped me. Please
talk and pray with your husbands in this process.
Only By His Grace,
Val
And
here's an older mom's tips after reading mine to you all. This is a
grandma who has taken care of her 2 grands since they were babies, (and
they are about 6 and 4 now) while going through uterine cancer
treatment.
"Your example in offering food to a
child, works well if the mom and dad both agree. But in today’s world
there are nannies and multiple caretakers of young children. My thought
when that is the case with a working parent, that all caretakers even
grandparents do what the parent requests. They are to follow and not
talk about the child in front of them.
Communicate to the parent via text, or phone later.
Secondly
when you are with the child eating, sit at the table together- no
multitasking. And TURN OFF ALL ELECTRONIC DEVICES. Focus on the meal."
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